my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
