I'm jealous of your bromance
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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