why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
