I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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