I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
