trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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