why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
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just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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