Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
