Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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