Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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