period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize