White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
