apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
