Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
