Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
