you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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