So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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