Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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