and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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