y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He shit in the fireplace
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
