Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
