Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
