I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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