Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
