He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
