Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
