What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
