Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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