Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
