I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
