Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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