make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize