btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
