That's when you crack a 10am beer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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