At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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