Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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