my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
