You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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