Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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