well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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