I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
