Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
