i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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