I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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