i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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