My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
