I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
