dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
