I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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