I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
