my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
