I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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