I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
