i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
