you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
