First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm sobbing to NWA
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
