He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
