dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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