I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it because I queefed?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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