it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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