i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
