also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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