who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We have started to decorate penises.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize