This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
