I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
