I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
