her vagine was all disorganized.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
